I found out about a book that explains how I feel about this subject:
I seriously hate dating.
Something that has been a blessing to me is the counsel from Pres.Uchtdorf that he gave in a CES fireside in November of 2009:
"I know this may be a disappointment for some of you, but I don’t
believe there is only one right person for you. I think I fell in love
with my wife, Harriet, from the first moment I saw her. Nevertheless,
had she decided to marry someone else, I believe I would have met and
fallen in love with someone else. I am eternally grateful that this
didn’t happen, but I don’t believe she was my one chance at happiness in
this life, nor was I hers."
Dating and finding my eternal companion is all my choice! Nobody controls this part of my life except for me.
"There are those who do not marry because they feel a lack of “magic”
in the relationship. By “magic” I assume they mean sparks of attraction.
Falling in love is a wonderful feeling, and I would never counsel you
to marry someone you do not love. Nevertheless—and here is another thing
that is sometimes hard to accept—that magic sparkle needs continuous
polishing. When the magic endures in a relationship, it’s because the
couple made it happen, not because it mystically appeared due to some
"Frankly, it takes work. For any relationship to survive, both parties
bring their own magic with them and use that to sustain their love.
Although I have said that I do not believe in a one-and-only soul mate
for anyone, I do know this: once you commit to being married, your
spouse becomes your soul mate, and it is your duty and responsibility to
work every day to keep it that way. Once you have committed, the search
for a soul mate is over. Our thoughts and actions turn from looking to creating.
"But what about those who despair of ever finding an eternal
companion? First, don’t give up. Go to activities, meet people, and do
all you can. I know that dating can be rough. Rejection is one of the
most painful things we can experience. Trust me, I know how this feels. I
fell in love with Harriet long before she fell in love with me.
"But this didn’t stop me—not at all. I found ways to be in the same
place she was. When I was administering the sacrament at church, I
arranged to pass it to her family. I was doing the best I could to
impress her, but I think she found me a little immature. The sparks
simply weren’t there for her. I despaired of ever convincing her that I
could be anything more than a friend.
I went away, joined the Air Force, and then traveled half a world
away to attend pilot training in the United States. It wasn’t until I
returned to Germany having completed my training as a fighter
pilot—years after I had first met her—that this beautiful young woman
looked at me and said those magical words I had been longing to hear:
“You have matured since the last time I saw you.”
I moved quickly after that, and within a few months I married the woman I had loved for a long, long time.
"So don’t give up, brothers and sisters. Just because you have been
rejected a time or two—or three or four, or a couple hundred times—don’t
despair. Brethren, the secret to finding the girl of your dreams is to
get to know many of them and then, when you fall in love and it feels
right, ask her to marry you. If she says no, you continue to search and
to pray until finally you will arrive with that young woman at the altar
of the temple. Just don’t give up.
"Now, sisters, be gentle. It’s all right if you turn down requests for
dates or proposals for marriage. But please do it gently. And brethren,
please start asking! There are too many of our young women who never go
on dates. Don’t suppose that certain girls would never go out with you.
Sometimes they are wondering why no one asks them out. Just ask, and be
prepared to move on if the answer is no.
"One of the trends we see in some parts of the world is our young
people only “hanging out” in large groups rather than dating. While
there is nothing wrong with getting together often with others your own
age, I don’t know if you can really get to know individuals when you’re
always in a group. One of the things you need to learn is how to have a
conversation with a member of the opposite sex. A great way to learn
this is by being alone with someone—talking without a net, so to speak.
Dates don’t have to be—and in most cases shouldn’t be—expensive and
over-planned affairs. When my wife and I moved from Germany to Salt Lake
City, one of the things that most surprised us was the elaborate and
sometimes stressful process young people had developed of asking for and
"Relax. Find simple ways to be together. One of my favorite things to
do when I was young and looking for a date was to walk a young lady home
after a Church meeting. Remember, your goal should not be to have a
video of your date get a million views on YouTube. The goal is to get to
know one individual person and learn how to develop a meaningful
relationship with the opposite sex.
"Now, there are those among you fine young members of the Church who
might never marry. Although they are worthy in every way, they may never
find someone to whom they will be sealed in the temple of the Lord in
this life. There is no way for those who have not experienced this
despair to truly understand the loneliness and pain they might feel. I
know of many women who want more than anything else to be a wife and a
mother, and they cannot understand why their prayers have never been
answered. There are many single men who, for whatever reason, also find
"First, let me tell you that your prayers are heard. Your Father in
Heaven knows the desires of your heart. I cannot tell you why one
individual’s prayers are answered one way while someone else’s are
answered differently. But this I can tell you: the righteous desires of
your hearts will be fulfilled.
Sometimes it can be difficult to see anything beyond the path
immediately before us. We are impatient and do not want to wait for a
future fulfillment of our greatest desires. Nevertheless, the brief span
of this life is nothing in comparison with eternity. And if only we can
hope and exercise faith and joyfully endure to the end—and I say joyfully
endure to the end—there, in that great heavenly future, we will have
the fulfillment of the righteous desires of our hearts and so very much
more that we can scarcely comprehend now.
"In the meantime, do not wait for someone else to make your life
complete. Stop second-guessing yourself and wondering if you are
defective. Instead, seek to reach your potential as a child of God. Seek
learning. Become engaged in a meaningful career, and seek fulfillment
in service to others. Use your time, your talents, and your resources to
improve yourself and bless those around you. All of this is part of
your preparation for having a family. Immerse yourself in your ward or
branch and seek to magnify your callings, no matter what they may be.
"The great purpose of this mortal existence is to learn to fully love
our Heavenly Father and our neighbor as ourselves. If we do this with
all our might, mind, and strength, our eternal destiny will be glorious
and grand beyond our capacity to imagine. Be faithful, and things will
work out for you. That is His eternal promise to all who love and honor
And I find that this time is to prepare me for when I do find someone who I can share my life with. It will come. I'm practicing right now. I need to learn to communicate. I need to decide what I want so that when I come across it, I can recognize it and work my heart out to never let him go. It's a humbling experience.
I seriously hate dating. But I know that it's for my good. I'm going to be an awesome wife someday for all of the silly things I go through today. Ladies, hold your heads up high! You go through this for a reason. You are being turned into diamonds. You are being prepared. You are being perfected. You are perfect sisters.
Besos! Be of good cheer, and I'll try too, okay? Deal.