Friends are a difficult subject for me. I had a friend in middle school and high school that I shared everything in my life with. We spent all our time together, I always had her come over, made sure she was welcomed and had someone to trust in. In high school she began lying to me about her entire life and habits. I found out later she was using me as some sort of alibi for her parents when she went to her friend's house to do drugs. When I found out I was devastated that she betrayed my trust. I was so angry. For a long time I blamed her being a horrible friend. I've come to realize that I wasn't innocent either; I wasn't exactly the best friend I could've been. Since then I am hesitant to make friends. When I stopped hanging out with her, most of our mutual friends knew her first so a lot of friendships ended. I was left all alone except for one friend. I began to analyze how I made new friends to try to make more.
That was my downfall. Before the lonliness never really bothered me. I always thought that I had my family and that would be enough. But since then, spending those first few weeks of Junior year all alone, I can't bear feeling lonley anymore. It's the most horrible, painful experience. And it weighs on me, while I'm here in this small, introverted town. It makes me feel so rejected. One of the most painful experiences in my life is being reinacted every day that I'm here.
But it's somewhat different this time. Although there are so many times that I feel so dejected and ready to run away and cry, I know I am never alone. I know I am loveable. I know I am fun. I know who I am, and I will never compromise that, never again. I know there's nothing wrong with me (well, nothing that has to do with this anyway). I know I am worth being a friend. The only thing that stands in my way is fear. Not so much my own, but the fear of the people around me. But I will not be afraid. I will not be the one that misses out on life. I will not run away. I will not miss out on experiences just because I was too introverted. I will continue to be myself.
So to all my friends who feel alone, that feel rejected and dejected, feel like they are a nuisance or too _____ to be loved by leurs amis: You are never alone. These times in life are difficult, it's Satan trying to tear you down. But stand up to him and take heart. Although I may not be physically with you I am rooting for you so hardcore. Just as much as you wish I were with you, I wish you were with me. Although states and oceans might separate us, we are never separated. It might be difficult during Relief Society, when you and I have no one to talk to, but you must remember this. Remember I love you, and I NEVER EVER want you to feel unloved. It's actually quite the opposite, and I'll try to remember that too. We'll make it a deal, okay?